Here's what my clients have to say:
Here's what my clients have to say:
Recently, I heard a phrase that I can not get out of my head. It has been playing like a looped tape in my mind for the last couple of weeks and driving me just short of insane.
How you do one thing is how you do everything.
When I first heard this out of the mouth of someone I admire and look up to, I found myself taking immediate offense. Just what did she mean by that?!?!
I am good at some things and kind of terrible at others. Some parts of my life are running smoothly and some areas could use some serious work.
I slowly started to realize, it is not about whether or not we are innately good at things, but HOW we look at them and approach them that can leave us with an OVERALL feeling of being stuck and dis-empowered in our lives.
I thought about HOW I used to interact with my body and with food and how it kept me stuck and cloaked in inner-shame for so many years. I have now conquered that beast, thank the forces above, through nutrition and a whole lot of self-exploration, but for many years, my body was my prison.
I thought about HOW I had approached my acting career for so long. Even though I believed in my talent, I felt dis-empowered and stuck in quicksand, unable to move forward. No matter how much I faked confidence, the feeling of empowerment remained a runaway ghost. My relationship with the industry was a prison.
I thought about how I have fundamentally changed my relationship with money, but how, for many years, I thought I would never make more than $35,000 a year. For so long, I assumed lack and scarcity and that became a shame prison and self-fulfilling prophecy.
I thought about my relationships with other women, and though I had wonderful female friends, I struggled with jealousy. Their successes, on some level, always diminished mine. If they lost weight, if they scored their dream job, I would feel it would somehow cut me down a notch. I could barely give a compliment without wanting to throw up and that kept me disengaged and isolated.
For so long, I realized, I never simply felt enough.
Even when I started to get one part of my life together, this belief would manifest in another. Like that game at Chuck E. Cheese’s where you are trying to bop the moving woodland creature over the head?
Believe me, I am the first to acknowledge (my clients know this) that I am still very much a work in progress but when I began to realize that I was actually BORN ENOUGH, amazing things started to happen in my life. It streamed like a light over everything.
We can and need to be working on ourselves, perfecting skills, constantly learning to improve but to evolve with clear eyes and full hearts, we still must be able to say:
Even at my highest weight, I am enough.
Even when I do not book the gig, I am enough.
Even at my poorest, I am enough.
Even when others succeed, I am enough.
Even when a relationship ends, I am enough.
This got me thinking about WHY this type of work has been so transformative for both myself and my clients. It is because understanding WHY we do what we do is actually more important than WHAT we do.
I can tell you from years of experience with health-coaching, the nutritional knowledge is the top soil. It is crucial but it is secondary to the sub-soil of our behavior patterns, where the root starts to grow.
How we behave in the world is largely a result of fundamental and often hidden beliefs we have about the world and ourselves. These live in the subsoil. We think we are acting independently of them, that each choice we make is free will, but indeed our choices are most often dictated from a centrally located reservoir of beliefs.
If these beliefs are holding us back and we do not face them head on, change is temporary. It is like building a house on quicksand.
If we start from within, we can create sustainable change. We can grow a healthy plant or a firm structure (depending on which analogy you like better). I love me some analogies, especially mixed ones.
I have encountered specific limiting beliefs time and time again, and on some level, everyone struggles with them. It is part of being human. Here are four common pitfalls:
I am not good enough as I am.
Who I am is not special or significant.
The other person getting what THEY want is more important than getting what I want.
People will not love or accept me if I make more, do more, accomplish more, or have more than they do.
If underneath it all, you do not really believe you are good enough as you are, how can you love yourself enough to make it to the damn gym? Or start to cook for yourself? Or ask for a raise at work?
Where does that strength come from?
If you do not believe your needs are just as important as those of someone else, how can you truly be heard and seen in your closest relationships? Or ask for what you really need?
If you believe that if you succeed, you will lose the love or acceptance of the people most important to you, how can you actually succeed? Come on now.
Do any of these shadow beliefs resonate with you?
Which of these do you feel MIGHT be standing in the way of what you are yearning for?
There is good news. You are not alone! Most everyone has these feelings on some level. By sharing them and putting them out there, we start the healing process. The act of releasing actually heals us.
Confide in someone close to you about your underlying shadow beliefs and how they might be standing in your way of what you are wanting. By allowing yourself to free these thoughts, you start the healing process. Dare to be vulnerable. It is what connects people the most.
Better yet, SHARE it with them so they can do the same.
Share it! Tweet it! Pin it! Spread the good juju and the healthy energy.
This week, no matter what comes up, I am going to breathe and repeat my favorite bad-ass mantra.
Where I am today is exactly where I am supposed to be because I am a gorgeous fucking work in progress.
You can steal it. It’s okay.
Rock On and Be Well,
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